Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Principles for Dating #2

Hello my children,

The second principle is "The Confirmation Principle."

Holland argues that it is important to submit your dating relationship to the God-ordained authorities in your life as well as the providentially placed people in your lives, like friends.

If you look at the relationship that Samson wanted to have with the Philistine woman in Judges 14:1-5, you see that not only was his interest in her based purely on physical attraction, but he also broke principle 1 in that he did not care about her character or even her religious beliefs. Even further, he didn't care about the input of his parents. He rejected their advice and "one thing led to another" and his wife betrayed him, 30 men died, multiple crops were destroyed by fire, and his wife and father-in-law were burned to death (Judges 15).

There is a God-ordained and designed level of care, instruction, and protection that God has woven into your lives. The first thread is your parents. Before you are an adult they are in authority over you and have responsibility to guide, teach, and protect you. But even once you are an adult they are to be honored and recognized as a valuable resource and can still serve as guides, teachers, and protection if you will let them.

It is good to have your parents involved from the beginnings of a relationship (or even before one starts). It would be good to involve them in considering who to pursue for a relationship and how.

Regardless of how exactly this works out, it should be the heart of a child to get their parent's thoughts, listen to their concerns, and honor their admonitions.

Parents are given for many good reasons that should be considered:

Exodus 20:12 12 ¶ "Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the LORD your God gives you.

Leviticus 19:3 3 'Every one of you shall reverence his mother and his father

Ephesians 6:1-3 Ephesians 6:1 ¶ Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), 3 that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth.

Proverbs 6:20-23 My son, observe the commandment of your father, And do not forsake the teaching of your mother; 21 Bind them continually on your heart; Tie them around your neck. 22 When you walk about, they will guide you; When you sleep, they will watch over you; And when you awake, they will talk to you. 23 For the commandment is a lamp, and the teaching is light; And reproofs for discipline are the way of life.

Proverbs 10:1 A wise son makes a father glad, But a foolish son is a grief to his mother.

If God gave you parents He expects them to have very important input into this vital decision. It is true that not all parents are wise in these matters, but as in everything, check their advice and wisdom against God's word.

Grace and peace,


Monday, June 13, 2011

Principles for Dating: #1

I am in the process of writing letters to my children about things they should think about regarding dating. I am posting them here in case they can benefit others.

Hi loveys,

This is the second installment of the dating series. We are going over Rick Holland's ten principles from the book _5 Paths to the Love of Your Life_.

The first principle is: The Character Principle.

The basic idea is that it is more important to _be_ the right person than to _find_ the right person. In other words, you should really concentrate on being conformed to the image of Christ. If you are seeking Christ you will desire a person who also seeks the Lord and wants to do His will.

Titus 2:2-8 gives a good list of character qualities for us to measure ourselves against.

sound in faith, love & steadfastness
reverent in behavior
not slanderers
not slaves to wine
teaching what is good
hard worker
submissive to authorities
a model of good works
having integrity
sound in speech
people have noting evil to say about you.

Other passages add other qualities:
humility (Phil 2:3-11)
holiness (1 Pet 1:14-16)
godly love (1 Cor 13:4-8)
selflessness (James 3:14)
the fruit of the Spirit (Gal 5:22-25)
Christlikeness (Eph 4:13)

It would be good to go through this list and see what areas you need to grow in. It is most important that you look upon your heart, because that is where God looks (1 Sam 16:7).

Titus 2 and 2 Timothy 2 indicate that it is helpful to have a mentoring relationship where someone encourages you and holds you accountable in these areas. Perhaps it would be good for you to ask your discipler to go through the list and talk about these things with you.

Finally, in addition to being the right kind of a person, in trying to find the right kind of person, these are the characteristics you should look for in others as well.

King Lemuel said it well: "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." (Prov 31:30)

Again, let me know what you think. If you have questions or want to discuss something, feel free to respond to this message or send me a private one.

I love you all,